Confessions of a self-help junkie
Apr 5th, 2008 by katesaltfleet
On Saturday, while polluting the environment on a 180-mile round trip to Nottingham for my monthly OU tutorial, I popped in to see my folks.
I have been moved out almost a year now, but it still seems that every time I visit, I bring back a bag of “stuff”. A lot of that stuff finds its way straight into the Oxfam box, but I noticed that I had a couple of talking-book style self help guides, namely Susan Jeffers “Inner talk for a confident day” and Louise L. Hay reading “You can heal your life”. They are a few years old as they are on cassette tape. I haven’t bought a self-help book in ages, after being cured from the addiction once I realised that the mind body and spirit book club was taking over my life and my bank account (you WILL order a book from each catalogue until the end of time… and in the next life too!).
I couldn’t help myself (!) so I took Susan Jeffers out of the bag and listened to it this morning while chomping on my museli. I do love it first thing when HTB is still in snoozeland and I can take my time regaining consciousness. I’m not a great conversationalist first thing. Typically it was tinkly new agey music which sounded really dated (just checked the sleeve and it says 1990, so not such a surprise), and affirmations. I expected to find the affirmations really cheezy, but they were supportive and, well, a good replacement for the nagging inner voice that won’t shut up sometimes 
It got me thinking. Self-help books can be a bit of an addiction, because they all offer the magic pill, to feel better about oneself and one’s life. Problem is, reading the books isn’t enough, you have to take that pill, and actually do the stuff they suggest. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not having a go at the people who write these books. There are many useful guides out there and obviously people have different tastes and priorities.
How to help yourself to self-help
First I would arrange to read the book before buying. It might sound shallow, but you need to get on with the author. If a writer’s narrative style irritates you, your subconscious will switch off. Personally I find Barefoot Doctor’s writing style alienating, even though Taoism resonates with me. I found M. Scott Peck tedious and inaccessible, yet many people swear that his books have changed their lives. OK, you’re probably never going to meet the writer, but you will be having a kind of relationship with them, like a teacher and pupil, and you learn better from people you like.
Once you’ve decided on a writer whose style you like, and who is tackling the issues that are important to you, buy one book. I would say buy it, don’t borrow it. Make notes on it, read it again and again.
Just do it. Yes, actually do the stuff the author suggests. If you feel uncomfortable at the prospect of doing some of the exercises, then ask yourself why. Generally, learning does feel uncomfortable until we master what we are learning. You have to break that pain barrier, push the comfort zone, and other such mixed metaphors. You might not solve all your problems over night, but it beats feeling beaten.
Great post! You make a really good point about needing to get along with the author of whatever self help book you’re reading. I know for myself, I definitely won’t do whatever they’re suggesting if I don’t like the “tone” of their writing.
One that I’ve found is really great is Corrie Woods. Her book, The Woman’s Field Guide To Exceptional Living is written in a warm, inviting style that invites the reader to take responsibility for creating their own meaningful life. It’s also not preachy, but filled with just the right blend of wisdom and practical advice. Definitely one of the best self help books I’ve read in a long time.